School Success Tips

1.  Establish and write out a daily schedule

I know that it is an inconvenience to write out your child's daily schedule but understand that kids do so much better when having a written schedule of what they need to do throughout the day.  A little inconvenience now will lead to less headaches and frustrations during the school year.  Here is a sample outline for you to use.

• Time to wake up
• Breakfast time
• What time they need to leave for school
• What time your child will get home from school
• Dinnertime
• Homework time
• Martial arts
• Bedtime
• Other activities such as, feeding the dog, practicing in instrument, other sports, etc.

As a parent I understand it is much easier to write the schedule yourself, show it to your child and they follow it. But it doesn't work this way. Unless your child has input (depending on their age and level of maturity) they will not “buy into” the schedule. When they are involved in the process they are more enthusiastic about sticking to the schedule.

2.  Establish a morning schedule
 

• Enlist your child's help and make a list of everything they need to do on school mornings. 
•  Get dressed 
•  Feed the cat or dog 
•  Make lunch 
•  Brush teeth 
•  Shower and clean 
•  Get backpack ready 
• Etc.

 3.  Attitude is everything

Understand that our children pay much more attention to our actions than they do our words. If you want your child to have a great attitude today remember you are the role model for them. Remind your child to go to school with a “Black Belt Attitude.” 

 4.  Establish great home work habits

Have a designated time in a quiet place for your child to do their home. No interference from the television or radio. Also, make sure their cell phones are not with them, they might say that it will not be a distraction for them, but we know better than that.  

 5.  Establish clear communications with your child's teacher

Your child's teacher cannot read your mind, so don't make them. A solid relationship comes from having solid communication.  Misunderstandings come from weak communication.  Being involved with your child means asking the teacher questions and sharing your concerns.

 6.  Be an active listener with your child after school

When you see your child after school that day, ask them how it was.  Then LISTEN, LISTEN, and LISTEN. Ask them about their favorite part of their day. Give them your full attention and praise them for their achievements that day. During this time make sure you are not watching the television, texting, or reading. This bonding time is way too valuable to waste.

 7.  Encourage positive relationships

Be aware of who your child becomes friends with. I wrote an article called “the cost of not knowing.”  Understand that your child becomes the sum of the 5 friends that he hangs out with the most. Knowing who their friends are will help you to guide them towards success.

 8.  Establish a bedtime routine

It’s important that your child gets enough rest, 9-10 hours per night is recommended.  The most common mistake made when parents try to get their children to bed is they start too late. The bedtime routine should start about 1 hour before the actual bedtime.  Getting their pajamas on, reading a book, doing a quiet activity, brushing teeth, or another low energy activity are things they need to do to make bedtime much less stressful.

Jeff Cvitak - owner, Martial Arts USA

The Real Way To Increase Your Child's Self-Esteem

Over the years I’ve learned that you can’t fix a child’s self-esteem.  It’s sounds off the wall because that’s what martial arts is supposed to do.  But as parents we want to ensure that our child has a high level of self-esteem and confidence to keep them safe from the world around them.  It’s difficult watching our kids give up or become frustrated when they can’t accomplish something, so naturally, we try everything we can to find ways to make them feel better.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way!  You making your child feel better will not increase their level of self-esteem, but helping them behave and react to situations better will!

We tell parents that we can and will improve their child’s self-esteem but it’s not done by improving their feelings, we do it by giving them challenges and helping them overcome them.  For example, when your child first learned to ride their bike you probably cheered for them and praised them for doing it.  But after they had been riding for a while it was no longer a big deal and they received no more praise for their effort.  So you have to engage your child in another challenge, another obstacle and let them overcome it, and then praise them for their success in that challenge.  Give your child a challenging situation that pertains to them now is the only way to really encourage your child's growth when it comes to their self-esteem.

We look around and see everyone handing out trophies just for showing up to an event because we don’t want our kids to feel the disappointment of not getting something for their efforts.  What would it feel like if you were applauded just for showing up to work?  Would it feel genuine?  Would you value that praise after a couple of days?  There comes a point in time where kids need to understand that if they don’t win or receive a medal that it’s OK.  Kids need to learn the value of losing gracefully and congratulating someone else for their victory. 

Your child will have feelings of frustration and it’s perfectly ok to help them express it, however, understand that this alone will not increase your child’s level of self-esteem.  Feeling good about themselves is a problem they have to solve, and that problem is solved by learning how to do things better for themselves.  They need to develop their own problem-solving skills, their own mastery of difficult tasks.  This is done, of course, while you’re encouraging them, not doing it for them.  Every time they fail it’s an opportunity for a greater success in the future. 

Making your child feel good for that moment only lasts for that moment.  But if you show them what to do to feel good about themselves, they develop those self-esteem building skills that last a lifetime.

The cost of not knowing

If you have been watching the news lately you are aware of the 4 kids that bullied the 68 year old bus chaperone.  For 20 minutes they bullied and humiliated her, and she never said one ill-tempered word back to them. She must be a saint because I know I do not have that kind of self-control.  I’ve been a martial arts teacher for over 25 years and a bully defense instructor for over 15 years, and it never ceases to amaze me the responses that the parents have for their children’s behavior.  “I can’t believe that was my child” and “I didn’t think my child was hanging out with kids like that” are the responses that are heard almost EVERY TIME that bullying incidents happen.  No parent ever wants to think their child is capable of being a bully, in fact, when I talk to parents after a bully workshop, their responses are always “my child could never be a bully, no, not my child.”  If that’s the case, then that begs the questions of, “where do bullies come from” and “what kind of situations create these bullies?”

It’s a fact that every parent does not know everything about their children and what goes on in their lives, including myself.  I can’t tell you how many times a child comes home with a bad grade and the parent has no idea that he/she hasn’t been doing their homework, or that they have been picked on at school for weeks and have told no one. 

As parents, we need to take a diligent approach to what influences our children when we’re not around.  Not just simple things like their video games or television shows, but the actual people that influence their behavior and decisions.  You are the sum of the top 5 closest and most influential people you hang around with.  Negative people tend to hang out with negative people, positive people hang around with positive people, successful people hang around successful people and bullies hang around with other bullies, etc.  Who are your children’s top five?  Your children’s top five may not always be other kids they hang out with, it could be you, the parents, it could be us as their martial arts instructors, their youth group or it could be other positive influencing teens and adults.  Whomever they are, help your child choose wisely, give them guidance and help them become the awesome adults that they are capable of becoming.  No child has ever regretted have discipline, structure and positive role models in their life, but many have regretted NOT having it.

Jeff Cvitak

Martial Arts USA

Self-Discipline

What is self-discipline?  Self-discipline has been defined as the ability to make yourself do what you know you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like or not!  A disciplined person knows what has to be done and does it.  They don’t put it off until tomorrow or allow themselves to be easily taken off track.  And, more importantly they prioritize and focus on being self-disciplined with activities that move them toward their goals.  There’s a big difference between having self-discipline with tasks that don’t move you toward your goals and doing very well what need not be done at all.  It’s usually the more challenging activities and tasks that will help you reach your goals than those of less importance.  This concept is easily confused so be careful which activities you exercise your self-discipline in.

When teaching children self-discipline it is important to have fun and keep in mind that the idea is to establish routines that are followed for the entire week without distraction.  We want our children to pick up after themselves, to clean their rooms without being told, to study and do their homework on their own, and to be responsible for their extra curricular programs as well.  We demand a whole lot from them!

First explain to them that there are two kinds of discipline.  1) Mom and Dad discipline. We constantly tell them what they need to do! 2) Self-discipline. They take care of certain things without reminders from us!  Sometime just understanding that can point them in the right direction!  Next list out all of their responsibilities that have to do with, school, home, extra curricular, and leisure time.  Have a discussion about all their responsibilities in those areas.  Then, with there input, teach them how to prioritize. In other words make sure they know that homework and studying are more important than chores.  Remember the self-disciplined person does the more important goal-oriented activity first.

When your child understands what’s important by the goals you and him have set it will be easy to establish a comfortable routine for everyone to follow.  Your routine should include all the activities on your list. The more regimented you child becomes and the more you and him plan time for every responsibility in order of importance the more discipline he will have.  Just remember to stick to a fun routine so it becomes habit and your child wants (key word) to be self-disciplined.

Jeff Cvitak

Martial Arts USA

What pictures do you see?

We all think in pictures.  Many times what we see in our mind translates to what we end up with in reality.  The great challenge lies in being ale to control what kind of pictures play in the theater of our mind!  This lesson is important and practical for both parents and children.

What kind of thoughts do you habitually think?  What kind of thoughts does your child habitually think?  Although we would like to believe our thoughts are of success, accomplishment, and a bright future, they may not always be. If we took an inventory of our thoughts we might discover that we dwell on past failures, present problems, and future anxiety too much. No matter how good you or your child’s current situation we can all benefit from tighter control of our own thoughts.

Why is this so important?  Because many of the psychological breakthroughs of the last century had to do with the fact that we “become what we think about most of the time.” Just that one sentence should awake you to how important this topic is to you and your child’s future success.  This is mainly due to the power of the subconscious mind which processes every thought and experience we have.  The subconscious actually doesn’t know the difference between a real event and one that is vividly imagined.  I encourage you to do your own research on the subconscious.

Catch yourself thinking thoughts of failure. Also teach your child about avoiding negative thoughts. Just being aware of this will have a huge impact on the family. 

Feel free to contact me with any questions.

Jeff Cvitak

Martial Arts USA